Drawn to an Angel

I’ve had a lot of luck lately…luck in the $$$ $ense.  It’s brimming over the edges so much that my co-worker started getting some similar luck of her own (every lotto ticket is a winner?  You better believe it.).  We could say it was the luck of the Irish rubbing off…and it was only the beginning.

I always say that dipping into the karmic golden house of treasure means that you have to continuously refill it.  To generate some good luck, you’ve got to give something back. 

While I was in Lord & Taylor on 5th Avenue on Friday, I happened to be standing in the middle of the 2nd floor shoe department…one of the scariest places in all of New York City.  There are thousands upon thousands of shoes, women are jam packed on the floor snapping up shoes left and right, getting into cat fights, and the thought of finding a sales person to help you is like asking the hockey gods to give the Rangers another Cup this year (after all of that bad karma they generated).

I was standing there thinking…I knew I should have ordered those shoes online!  Right as I was getting overwhelmed by too too much…a saleslady found me standing there and asked me if I needed help.  Hallelujah!

I was looking for closed toed espadrilles with a heel.  All of the espadrilles with heels were open toed, and in NYC, that’s grounds for a broken foot. 

We found three pairs of closed toed espadrilles and I ended up taking home two pairs (one in black, one in gold). 

While she was putting the shoes on my feet, we got to talking.  I told her what I did for a living, and she told me her life story.  Believe it or not, she was working on her thesis for her masters and was in need of a tutor, because her writing wasn’t that great.  While I can’t take on any additional work (learning to say NO to new projects so I can finish my own projects), I told her I would help her find someone (with a Master’s) that can tutor her.

Not only that, but I gave her some tips on how to grow her resume, her career, and market herself.  It surprises me sometimes that people don’t understand the power of marketing oneself.  

When you are trying to sell your services to others out there…you can’t wait around for someone to notice you, you have to make some noise about yourself and what you can do.  No one is going to hand you your dream career, you have to show that you already own your dream career…everything else is just extra.

Everyone always shoots themselves down when they come up with a great idea.  If you keep doing that, you don’t belong in that dream.  When you dream about living the dream, do you shoot yourself down and say that you can’t do it or bask in the dream and how wonderful it feels?

You should NEVER tell yourself that you don’t deserve your best life ever.  We all deserve it.  In order to make a dream come true, it takes a lot of work.  

What?  You think Bill Gates woke up one morning, designed Microsoft overnight and became a billionaire?  No.  It took time, perseverance, patience, and training.  He spent a lot of time, work and effort into creating a system that everyone uses.  He had to work hard to make his dream a reality.

Every hockey player in the NHL had to work hard all of their life just to be worthy enough to have a regular job as a professional hockey player.  Someone didn’t just hand it to them one day and say, “Welcome to your new occupation.”   They had to prove to themselves and to the world that they were worthy enough to be there.  Even after they became a pro hockey player, they had to continue to work hard to keep their dream alive.

Rockstars spend hours upon hours recording hundreds of demos for the 10-20 songs that make it onto the album.  They have to come up with thousands of songs over the course of their career in order to keep their dream alive.

Writers write and write and write.  Before they can even have that bestseller, they have to write and write and write in order to perfect their craft and their voice.  They don’t wake up one day and say, “I’m going to write the best novel ever written,” without years worth of writing on hand. 

In order to live your dream, you have to work hard at it.  You have to market yourself.  You have to show the world why you are better than the person standing next to you. 

There’s a lot of work that goes into making a dream a reality.  If you want your dream to be real, you have to work at it until you realize that you are living the dream.

The old adage “practice makes perfect” is one of the most valuable lessons you will ever learn.  You have to practice doing what you love until you perfect it. 

I write every single day.  I publish an article or a blog post a few times a week.  I write and write and write so that I can perfect my craft.  There’s a lot of work that goes into a dream…and I have a lot of dreams.

If I wanted to be an amazing cook…I had to cook and cook and cook. 

If I wanted to be published…I had to keep publishing and publishing and publishing.

If I wanted to be heard…I had to raise my voice so it could be heard loud and clear.

The point is…someone is always watching you when you are working hard at achieving your dream.  They watch you grow.  They give you opportunities when they see that you have potential to be something amazing.  You never know who is watching.  Just keep doing what you’re doing and someone is bound to notice.

But keep in mind…if you’re not passionate about what you’re doing, then how can you expect someone else to be passionate about you or what you’re doing?  Dreams are meant to be lived passionately.  If there’s no passion, then that’s not your dream.

Do what you are passionate about.

….

On Saturday, I took my monthly trip to Tar-zhay (Target).  Since I only go once a month, I stock up and buy groceries while I’m there. 

I always overhear people lamenting about their financial woes as they walk out of the store with a new video game or other junk.

Every now and again, you see a father with his three kids trying to buy groceries.  He’s got three items in the cart that’s supposed to feed his family through the week.  You can’t help but feel bad for them, especially since my cart is overflowing with groceries along with other luxury items from Tar-zhay.  [It’s almost like seeing the rich take advantage of the poor man’s store.]

My heart goes out to them, but even I know…certain types of charity is not welcomed.  There are people that are prideful and don’t want charity.  I know, because I was that way when I had to live off of $80 a month for food.  Most times, I ended up starving.

If anything, I know there are lessons to be learned in the hardest of times.  For me, I learned that I didn’t have to live that way.  I could better my circumstances…and I did…on my own, with no one’s help.

As I waited for the cab to pick me up and take me home, little did I know that the universe was sending someone that needed my assistance. 

When the cab driver hopped out of the car to help me load the bags into the trunk, he picked up the buddha I had just bought and said, “I almost bought this to put at my girl’s memorial.” 

I looked at him and realized in that moment what was happening. 

I responded, “Oh really?”  [Ahem…this means that God is winking…]

I ended up listening to his life story in the short 10 minute cab ride home…which turned into 20 minutes because he took the long way. 

He had recently been offered a place to stay in Key West, Florida, and he wasn’t for sure if he should take the offer, because it was being given to him out of charity.  He was staying with his mother at the moment and they had a huge falling out recently.

He had been abused by his step-father since he was six years old.  His step-brothers beat him up and ridiculed him all throughout his life.  Even to this day (in his 50’s) they still give him a hard time.  His mother never sided with him.  She always sided with the step-father and his step-brothers.  [To any child, never having your parent in your corner is a horrible feeling.]

In his twenties, his child had died from leukemia.  After her death, he and his wife couldn’t keep their marriage together, so they parted (for obvious reasons). 

His second wife suffered from extreme depression and committed suicide a couple of years ago by throwing herself into the Passaic River. 

Her death was really difficult on him and he was having a hard time moving forward in life.

This Key West opportunity came from a friend who wanted to help him out.  She told him to move down there, since it will be a long time before they would even be able to go back down to the place.  All he had to do was pay the utilities.  He could go down there, housesit, find a job, and use their car while he’s there.  When he’s ready to move on, he can.

This opportunity came and he didn’t know what to do.  He felt like if he left, he would be moving on in life, forgetting about his wife.

I relayed my story on to him about moving to New York City.  A broken heart made me escape someone I loved dearly.  I was supposed to move to Los Angeles, but instead flew to NYC, got a job and in two weeks, packed up my stuff and moved there.  No one knew (except my family), and a week after I had settled in I sent an email to the rockstar and all of our friends announcing that I had moved to NYC.

I took a slim opportunity and left.  I had to do it for my own sanity and for myself.  I still sit here and think…if I hadn’t taken that chance, I would have never had such an amazing life afterwards.

I also told him that I believe that when people die, they bestow a wish upon those dearest to them…to help them out on their journey in life.  I told him that I believe this opportunity to move to Key West is that blessing from his wife.  It’s a way for him to move on in life and be happy.  His wife would want him to be happy.

He said that he felt that if he did leave, he’d be leaving her and her memorial behind.

I said, “That doesn’t matter.  I find that they follow you wherever you go.”

He fought back the tears and said, “You know, that’s what I needed to hear.  You just convinced me to go.” 

He helped me unload my purchases, and I gave him the fare and a $20 tip.  He protested it was too much.  I said, “You’re starting off on a new journey in life.  Every little bit helps.”

He took my hand and kissed it.  With tears in his eyes he said, “Thank you.  You were my angel today.”

…….

This weekend’s ‘refilling the karmic bank’ came at a weird moment.  I was tested earlier in the week with strange things that I’ve never encountered before.

After meeting these two random strangers I realized I had been tested and passed both tests.  I still made the same choice I always make, because there are things in life that frighten the hell out of me…and that all lies in the choices people make in being human.

People choose to live with drama rather than peace.  People choose to hold onto things that are keeping them “stuck in a moment that they can get out of.”  It’s a choice.

People can let go of the drama, the worries and hell that they’re living in and CHOOSE to have a better day.  They can choose to get out of that moment they are stuck in and run like fucking hell and not stop until they get to that place where they know they can start life over again anew. 

I told that cab driver to go to Key West and when he gets there, let the past be the past.  Forget the drama that happened before.  Let this mark a new day and a new life.  Focus on the good that will come of it and remember to say your thanks to whichever God you talk to. 

Starting a new life is never easy, especially when you are coming from a world that left you in shambles.  Sometimes when that moment keeps getting worse and worse, it’s a sign from God that this world is not for you anymore.  When he opens a new door, run through it and don’t stop running until you feel safe.

I was once in this man’s shoes.  Sure, it’s scary thinking about moving someplace so foreign to you.  But when God offers you an opportunity, you seize it and never look back.

People have to ask themselves, do you trust God that he knows a better way?  If your way isn’t working out, wouldn’t his way be better?

People like to be in control at all times.  They fear what it would mean to lose control and let God take the reins.

I can tell you from experience, I let God lead me to NYC.  I didn’t know why he chose NYC for me, but I went regardless.  I let him take over the reins completely while I tried to put back the pieces of my shattered existence.  He made sure I didn’t starve anymore.  He put me in a place where I made more money than I’ve ever made in my entire life.  He put me in good company with good people.  He gave me everything I’ve ever needed and wanted and gave me more on top of it all.

He introduced me to hockey.  He encouraged me to write and keep writing in my journal.  He introduced me to celebrities that would help push me in a new direction in life.  He gave me an incredible life, an incredible journey, more money than I know what to do with, a good home, a stocked pantry and fridge, and a dream made into reality.

I let God take the reins in my life.  It’s been the most magical ride I’ve ever been on.  He pushed me in this direction and I don’t regret living in God’s plan for me at all.  His plan was so much better than my plan for myself.  With that, I give thanks.

In recent years, I’ve learned to let go of the drama this world generates.  You never know just how unimportant holding onto drama is until you let go of it.  People don’t understand why I don’t care about other people’s drama.  It’s not mine, so why should I let it clutter up in my world and stress me out?  I don’t feel better by holding on to drama.  I actually feel miserable.  So why would I do that to myself? 

Sometimes letting go of that moment you’re stuck in, is the best thing you can do for yourself.  Letting go is one regret that you’ll never have.

If you have only one life, wouldn’t you want to make this life the most meaningful existence you’ll ever have?  You have this opportunity to live.  Don’t let someone else dictate to you how you want to live.  You know in your heart how you can free yourself from the chains and have an amazing life.  It just takes faith that there’s something better for you.

My theme song since I came to NYC is “A New Day Has Come” by Celine Dion.  Every word in this song gives me goosebumps because it’s a reminder that I chose God’s path in life, because I trusted that his way was more amazing than my way.  I don’t regret that choice at all.

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don’t shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I’d make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, now
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it’s almost blinding me
I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has…come

Where it was dark now there’s light
Where there was pain now there’s joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, now
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it’s almost blinding me
I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has…come

So for those out there that can’t see beyond the moment, look for the light at the end of the tunnel.  Believe that it’s there.  Let go of the drama and run like hell when that door opens.  That is your new day.  Seize God’s moment when he gives it to you.

About Michelle Kenneth

Michelle Kenneth has been a member of the NHL credentialed media covering the New Jersey Devils since 2008 for Inside Hockey. She is the owner or PerfectionistWannabe.com.