On Friday, I wrote about how this site would change after July to reflect the new direction in my life. I decided over the weekend that it was best to change the site now rather than later.
I’m calling this “Running to Stand Still” for a reason. For those who know the U2 song, “Running to Stand Still” has been the song that described me completely. Every morning I’d wake up thinking, “I’ve got to do something about where we’re going.” I wasn’t just talking about me, I was talking about humanity.
My entire life has been about running to something, but I had no idea where exactly I was running to.
The song never really made too much sense until I was standing in the Sahara Desert, looking up at the stars. Hamid had just laid the blanket down next to me so we could lay down and watch the stars. He had already sat down when I realized that all I’ve been doing my entire life was running to stand still. There I was…standing still under the stars…feeling God in every grain of sand and in the winds coming across the desert. It was as if I was running towards God my entire life…just wanting to stand still in his presence.
There I was, standing still in his presence. I turned to Hamid and then sat down next to him knowing why it took a decade for this moment to come.
God knows what lingers in our souls. I had lamented to God on multiple occasions that the kind of person I was looking for was someone I could connect with…as far as being able to connect with my soul. I needed someone like me, who looked through their soul when they looked out into the world. I waited a very long time for that. God had to send me all the way to the Sahara Desert to find him!
When I had asked Hamid why he had never married, he said that he was waiting for someone. He was waiting for the right person to come along. When he said that, I looked at him funny. Why? Because his reasons were the same as mine. It’s then that you realize that you’ve found the missing part of your soul.
While I lament I had to go to the desert to find my other half, I’m sure he laments about how he had to fall in love with a girl from New York City! I’m afraid to have him come to NYC because he told me how scared he was in Marrakech. I told my friends that if Hamid followed me here (as required in Berber tradition), the poor man would have a heart attack the first time in Times Square. So trust me, as much as I sit here and think…how in the world does a city girl fall in love with a nomad out in the desert, I’m sure he’s sitting there thinking…what kind of desert nomad falls in love with a girl from New York City? WHO DOES THAT?
Well, apparently God works in mysterious ways. You pray and wait long enough for a very tall demand, you fill up your good karma basket…and then one day you’ll eventually be able to spend it all on the love of your life.
I’m reminded of that Rumi poem, “The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they’re in each other all along.”
There’s a lot of truth to that saying. For years, I was dreaming of Morocco. I dreamt of living in a beautiful home with a doting husband and a beautiful family…just in complete and utter bliss. I had this dream for years…always thinking of that ‘someday.’
I had no idea that the plan really had been all about Morocco from the start. It’s so strange to hear Driss in the back of my mind telling me to look at the road map of my life…God was leading me somewhere. I had just been running to stand still.
So what will I be talking about here? Stuff I’ve already started talking about. I think my family and friends are going to want to know and understand this new journey. Of course, my brother and I have been brainstorming how I’m going to break the “Muslim Arab” news to my Dad. Either he is going to kill me or he’s going to die of a heart attack.
I decided that maybe I would spring the whole Muslim Arab thing on my Dad when he goes to Morocco. It’s one thing to tell someone, quite another to have them experience it for themselves. I’d rather spring that his son-in-law is a Muslim Arab…when he gets there. Hopefully, there will be no bloodshed at the news. I think I’ll wait after my Dad has been in Morocco for a week before telling him. May be the safest bet so that he can have a better understanding of my decision. Sometimes you have to let God do his work before revealing the truth. Got to kind of kick that blind faith thing out the window first so they can see the light shining in.
I haven’t even told my Dad about Hamid. I’m gonna wait a little while longer. Maybe in a year.
At any rate, I’m turning this site into the things going on as a new adventure begins and the hockey one ends. I’ll also be talking about the things that I love and yeah…some sponsors did make their way onto the new site (and they’re not interested in hockey, just something else). I’ll reveal the first one in a few weeks.
This site has officially phased out hockey. You’ll need to go to Inside Hockey for anything hockey related from me.
I also want to thank all of the big spenders at Bauble Bar this past week. I ended up taking home three new necklaces thanks to all of the shoppers. I hope you’re enjoying the 20 Days of Buried Baubles and have been ringing in your own free baubles. Trust me, free baubles are just as exciting as buried ones.
